Life and Times of a Resistant Science Major

It’s very weird to think about. That the semester abroad in Australia that I had been planning for 15 months is almost done. It isn’t exactly what I expected, but it has been so amazing and fulfilling at the same time. I’ve been able to really learn more about myself as a person. 

When I first got here I was very unsure of myself. I felt like I was walking on glass trying to impress people, I had my guard up, and I didn’t want people to get in so easily. I didn’t tell people at first I had (used to) a girlfriend back home. It wasn’t because I was afraid they wouldn’t be okay with me being gay or that I wanted to hide her, I just wanted to really figure out which people I liked and respected enough to share that with. Everyone I had a conversation with that was longer than the, “Hi, where are you from? What are you studying? Why did you want to come here?” I told though, but that still felt like hardly anyone since there were so many people I was constantly meeting. For the most part I was playing catch-up because everyone I was meeting was part of GlobaLinks and had spent a week together in Cairns, and it really shook me to be out of my comfort element that much.

By the time the second week of school rolled around everyone knew though, mostly because at that time I had been broken up with. So people were constantly asking me what was wrong, and I told them the truth. Everyone comforted me so much, which was really unexpected. Someone even told me, “We’re all going through something hard in our personal lives, and we don’t want people to see we’re struggling but all of us really are”.

From that point forward I’ve been very observant of who I am and how I interact with other people. Yeah I’m still what I know, that person who doesn’t say much unless it’s really important to be said, but it’s really different. I enjoy engaging in conversation with random people so much more than I used to, and my socially awkward level has definitely decreased.

I haven’t smoked weed in over 90 days and it has been a blessing. I can definitely acknowledge that I was wasting away in Tucson because of it. I mean, if someone invites me to smoke a bowl at a party I will probably do it, but I was seriously damaging my time. I’m now that person who wants to go out on the weekends with their friends and be reckless and make memories just for the sake of it, not just getting high after work and calling it a night. I used to have the mindset that I could catch up on my social life, but really you can’t. 

I also feel like Brian and I have reached an even higher level of friendship. Through drunkenness, drama, and tears, we’ve been there for each other. I’m glad he has been here with me on this journey, and I know our next chapter in Tucson will be a blast.

The gay thing is going really well too with my family. Coming out to my mom was terrifying and I took WAY too long to do it. But after her telling me it was a phase, criticizing my ex, and all her other BS, she’s being really great. Yesterday we were skyping and she saw the bear my ex had given me for Christmas laying on my bed and asked where I got it. When I told her where it was from she went, “Awwww that’s so cute!”. She’s finally accepted it- progress. 

Now I’m preparing for what is going to come in terms of growth when I come back. I’m going back to my old life and friends, but with a different outlook, and I’m anticipating good things, but also I’m weirded out that everyone has actually had a life for these last 4.5 months. Will Sydney Cheyenne get along with Tucson Cheyenne’s life? Who knows. But what I do know is that I’m in love with Sydney Cheyenne, and that’s what’s important.